Several people have told me they believe that a solar eclipse was an omen of bad things going to happen. Hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes happen every year. The real catastrophe happened last November.

In an effort to counter the normal bad omen of the eclipse, I threw our big salt crystal over my left shoulder, knocked seven times on a hickory nut tree with an oaken mallet, and ran seven circles in a counter-clockwise direction. I did all this while wearing a broad brimmed black hat with a white ostrich feather sticking out of the hat band’s left side.

I will repeat this process the summer of 2020 to avoid another catastrophe. At my age I don’t know if I will be around for April 8, 2024, so I may need a stand-in. Volunteers would be appreciated.